Your religion only makes my grief harder
When I tell people in order to death of my infant daughter, Theyoften reply that she is in heaven. They let me know that she is an angel now. They diagnose that she's with God. But being a atheist, These words have not brought me any comfort.
My daughter was born three years ago. I went into pre term labor at 22 weeks gestation, And try as some might, The doctors wouldn't be able to keep her here with us. Her little life, Just eight schedule long, Has marked my life and my partner's life deeply. margaret Hope (or perhaps even Maggie, As we discuss with her) continues to exist with us in her own way, But this persistence has nothing to do with god or Jesus or angels or any other specific afterworld. this is what works for us as parents. amount who currently identify as atheists, And for about 20percent who are agnostic or unaffiliated with any particular type of set of beliefs.
Being an atheist in a believer's world can be hard at times, Especially when some of the more fervently religious are close friends or family. It's even more daunting when looking at grief and death. Christians belief that when we die, We either go to haven or hell. tons of, you, Believe babies go to heaven because they are, to be honest, a baby. When our princess died, my hubby requested to have our baby baptized, Fearing somewhat for her soul, A remnant of his Catholic parental input. There was no time for a traditional baptism while she was alive but her NICU doctor performed the rite for her while we held her in our arms responsible for, Our incredibly small, frail, Lifeless daughter whose eyes never even got the opportunity to see. It felt weird to me, But I allowed it because my hubby was suffering and it seemed to bring him some comfort. later, As real life hit harder, although lose all faith as I had done.
After we left a medical facility, We were faced with the task of whether or not to hold some sort of memorial service for Maggie. Part of me took it to the Unitarian Universalist church, As which is only place I'd been where I felt like my agnostic views were still respected, Where I could still enjoy some semblance of spiritual techniques while remaining non religious c.j. anderson jersey. when i bought it, although, I was a difficult mess and could not do much to contact anyone or even make any suggestions.
nevertheless, My brother increased and arranged a service at a church in Miami Beach (the best place Maggie "been around" for the majority of of her brief life). While it was practically a Christian church, The fact that they are supportive of the LGBTQA community, Plus their commitment to serving the homeless made me feel like this was a place I would be comfy bringing my daughter, despite if death. in a, Cosmic tall tale, We also appreciated the advantage that the pastor was named "finder" Thompson.
Those around us did their to offer words of comfort, But eventually, I became tired and even resentful of your comments ought to about my daughter needing to go be with Jesus. worse still, I isolated myself so I wouldn't normally need to hear their "calming" Words because all they did was make me feel worse. Like so the non believers, I cannot wrap my head around the idea that there is some supreme being that allows these sorts of things to happen, Commands them to occur. Being a bereaved parent is with enough contentration, But being one when you don't believe in god is diffrent altogether.
we can see, when, If you tell someone of faith that you don't believe your child is in heaven, You're met with turmoil, Or sad in order to, Or sometimes even a bit of anger. People don't understand how or why you wouldn't want to believe that your child is in a better place. routinely, They take it as a personal attack on their belief when it's more about being honest about your own grief. It's funny how inconvenient my lack of faith as a bereaved mother can be for those on the outside of. (frankly, it's actually not funny at all.)
I sought out organizations in my area, But could not find any which not held within a church. I did not feel safe going to one of these places for fear of verbally assaulting anyone who might suggest my daughter had earned her angel wings. It made me want to shake people until they realized that maybe she died simply because people die. Maybe she died because there were errors made in the care I received at a healthcare facility I visited twice in the week before she died, Where those people saw me shrugged off that I was spotting without reason. Maybe she died because I was unable to visit a new doctor because theoffice refused to see me without receiving the paperwork from these doctor in Miami, Whose office routinely forgot to fax over my records, Leaving me without regular medical care for weeks. Maybe she died because I had experienced tremendous stress after being fired from my job due to early pregnancy associated diseases that required me to miss work, Causing me to go on Medicaid the first time around, Resulting in the aforementioned doctor shuffle. Maybe she died because of any other reason with the exception that it was god's will. Maybe it was more about socio economics and my personal health than about imaginary lords in the sky.
I knew I couldn't be alone who felt this way. after a little searching, I found a few Facebook groups for folks like me: individuals who were grieving but were done with believing. one of the most groups was a general bereavement group. on this website, People from all over were telling the stories of their grandfathers who just perished from Alzheimer's, Their sisters who fell for lung cancer, Their close friends who hanged themselves when things got to be too much, Their mothers who died of retirement years, Their sons who were killed in car accidents.
I told my story and found a communal feeling, But I did not feel like I could share my grief as openly because I hadn't yet gotten to know my daughter the direction they knew the people they had loved and lost customized broncos jersey. All I knew about her was that she celebrated Little Mermaid (Because she kicked wildly when I sang along to all the songs in can be), That she enjoyed the first few chapters of Little Prince and that she was my very best friend for a brief stage of time. But I did not know her the way others in the group knew themselves with whom they'd shared years of memories.
Eventually, I found a group especially for agnostic and atheist mothers who'd lost their young babies, Either due to miscarriage, Stillbirth, Prematurity, SIDS or other will cause. This group became my home for a, very. I met and befriended so many women who had been through nearly the very same thing I had been through: mothers who also lost their babies at 22 weeks; parents who also went into pre term labor, With no information; Mothers who were grieving all of their futures who did not believe in god and instead found comfort in things like the First Law of Thermodynamics or in the words of great thinkers like Carl Sagan and Neil deGrasse Tyson about how we are just a tiny speck in the universe, That there is something so much bigger out there that we are only beginning to understand. trust it or not, This is extremely comforting to those of us who do not think in a god. fundamental essentials things you can say to a non believer who is mourning a loss.
October is getting and Infant Loss Awareness Month, And while there are numerous parents grieving publicly via Facebook and Instagram, Posting messages of how their babies have earned their invest heaven, individuals without organized religion are left on the sidelines. many of us still refer to our babies as angels, Though not the type that float on clouds by pearly gates. We simply lack the language to describe our loss without resorting to theistic terms Brock Osweiler Jersey.
Agnostics and atheists understand why people have faith. We completely grasp it brings them comfort. every so often, I really wish i could believe that my daughter is watching over me right now while enjoying a beautiful and eternal afterlife. but that's just not what I believe. pretty, I imagine her in all types of places Demaryius Thomas Youth Jersey. Maybe her energy shot out into the celebrities. Perhaps some molecule of her is dancing around on Jupiter. other times, I imagine much of her remaining in my heart peyton manning super bowl jersey, As science informs us part of every child's DNA remains forever with hermother, A indisputable fact does bring me great peace.
Maggie traditional remains are in a plastic, white-coloured box, Swaddled in her clinic baby blanket, And placed within my bedroom closet, Still looking ahead to the day I am willing to part with them. I really don't know what happened to her soul, If such things even exist. buying enough it may comfort you to say to me that my daughter is in heaven, It does absolutely nothing for me or for the countless others who don't subscribe to your brand of faith and that is okay.