As soon as we believe that another person can give us something that we do not have already, we disempower ourselves by putting them on a pedestal. We project an unrealistic image unto them that is very hard to live up to, and give them shit for not matching that image with their real-life personalities. On top of that, we loose ourselves in them, meaning that we leave our own center and heart-core, thereby losing contact with our true selves. How can we even meet another person, when there is no one "at home" inside?
Alex Vartman explains that "the romantic dream is generally quite destructive and it is the feminine equivalent to pornography. They are both superficial uses of potential loving sexual energy wasted in a tissue over a porn movie or sitting there reading romance novels, watching Disney movies or dreaming about someone that you cannot have instead of dealing with your current reality." This current reality could be anything from staying in a boring, unfulfilling or even destructive relationship or feeling frustrated and alone, projecting your longing for love and intimacy on a fantasy image of a man you know you cannot have.